How To Study for Finals
H O W T O S T U D Y F O R F I N A L S
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with notebooks and plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Contemplate those upcoming finals, to make certain you understand the scope of your obligation.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started studying yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend tells you he's ready for finals already, drop him/her.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with your notebooks plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Consider the finals you'll need to take again to make absolutely certain you understand the scope of your obligation.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it our of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to your favorite CD, and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start to study for those finals.
10. Listen to another CD.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's started studying yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, your courses, the university, the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with your notebooks and plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Consider again the finals you'll need to take; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a final in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
18.5. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
22. Consider the finals you'll need to take one more time, just for the heck of it.
23. Connect to the Internet and see what's new on Ebay.
24. Look through your closet and try to decide what you could sell on Ebay.
25. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
26. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
27. Leap up and study.